day 6 : the crux

This cleanse was definitely a journey that had it's ups and downs.  However, day 6 proved to be the most frustrating, mentally.  I was over half way done but it felt like I had soooo much longer to go.  My mom made stuffed orzo peppers for dinner.  I took a tiny taste of the sauce and became so agitated and angry that I wasn't eating it.  The flavors were rich, full and complex.  The smell  of them cooking alone was composed of layers of spice and warm tones.  I was bitter.

After dinner Colin and I took off for a show.  It was a friend of a friend's rege-tronic band at Lauralthirst.  I drank lots of decaf tea; (they luckily had a grand selection!) Usually live music makes me swoon, swirl and twirl.  They were good but I found it hard to get into.  I was tired.  I was cold.  I was fading fast.  We left by midnight and I proceeded home to lay in bed and cry.

I think it was more of my mind mentally missing eating and drinking.  It was like some part of me was missing, a part of me I don't really need.  But I was clinging to it like a sad child and making me miserable. I cried to let it out, to let it go.  Releasing it to the universe and adopting a new perspective I was not yet aware of at the time:

Releasing: "I want that, but I can't have that."
Embracing: "I can have that, but I don't want that."

The next day I awoke feeling alert, alive, excited for the day.  I accepted it was day 7, that I was getting closer but I still had some days to come, and of course the phasing out as well.  While getting ready for the day, I watched some documentaries that helped me to realize my changing outlook.

All available on Netflix:
-Vegucated
-Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead
-Hungry for Change

I thought I'd seen enough health food movies to see them all and read enough books to know it all.  However, I learned a lot from these. I highly recommend them.  They gave me the will power to finish strong over the last days of my cleanse, and they were funny, good stories that made sense and kept me watching.